Mar 26, 2023·edited Mar 26, 2023Liked by Jill Krause
I feel this so deeply in my soul. I'm five years post-divorce and still get caught in the in-between of what life was (what I took away from them, my depression says) and where I want us to be (seems like a pipe dream at this point). I still live there every day. I don't know how long I will punish myself for leaving, for altering their lives forever, but I've got to hope I'll forgive myself at some point along my own healing journey. I regret some of my actions, things I said and did when I left (I'll be the first to admit I should've handled myself better) but I won't let myself regret leaving. I was a shell of a person and we can't live like that. Am I whole now? No, but I'm building myself up and I will get there. I, too, used to make pancakes every weekend and I rarely do now. It's one of the things that was sacrificed for my mental bandwidth. Some days it's there, some days it isn't. I guess being able to realize when it isn't is one of the ways of taking care of myself.
Anyway. Lots of rambling, I'm sorry. All of this to say, I am right there with you. Right there.
Beautiful post, it makes me think about gratitude. Not focusing on the time and place but just being with your family and feeling at peace. Something I will think about today as my kids destroy the house (like they always do).
I can’t say I know what you’re going through but your words here somehow gave me a chance to live the experience. I can almost hear that squish squish. May you heal continuously in hope and love. ❤️
I feel this so deeply in my soul. I'm five years post-divorce and still get caught in the in-between of what life was (what I took away from them, my depression says) and where I want us to be (seems like a pipe dream at this point). I still live there every day. I don't know how long I will punish myself for leaving, for altering their lives forever, but I've got to hope I'll forgive myself at some point along my own healing journey. I regret some of my actions, things I said and did when I left (I'll be the first to admit I should've handled myself better) but I won't let myself regret leaving. I was a shell of a person and we can't live like that. Am I whole now? No, but I'm building myself up and I will get there. I, too, used to make pancakes every weekend and I rarely do now. It's one of the things that was sacrificed for my mental bandwidth. Some days it's there, some days it isn't. I guess being able to realize when it isn't is one of the ways of taking care of myself.
Anyway. Lots of rambling, I'm sorry. All of this to say, I am right there with you. Right there.
Love to you and your beautiful soul. <3
Beautiful post, it makes me think about gratitude. Not focusing on the time and place but just being with your family and feeling at peace. Something I will think about today as my kids destroy the house (like they always do).
I can’t say I know what you’re going through but your words here somehow gave me a chance to live the experience. I can almost hear that squish squish. May you heal continuously in hope and love. ❤️